I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
