Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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