Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
