are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
