I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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