I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
