We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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