standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
