It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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