Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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