Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
