that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
