No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
