This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
