upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
