I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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