Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
