I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
