that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
