Do you still have your period?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
