The maid of honor just puked.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
