Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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