You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
