We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
