HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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