the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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