You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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