It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
