She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
