I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
