im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
