I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
