When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
