Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This house was built for laser tag.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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