hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
