I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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