When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
