She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
