Plan B is the new Plan A
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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