Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
