it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
love makes seman taste better
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
