Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
