Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
