Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
