So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
