Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
