It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
