Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
