Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
