drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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