just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
