I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
