we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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