roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
