Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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