quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
