Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
